The Striptease Story
by SparkleLeech
Summary: When Shepard meets Ashley on Horizon, she demands that he tell her something that only he would know to prove that it's really him. The story he chooses, though, is a bit embarrassing for her... Written for the KinkMeme! Rated for safety.


A/N: Hello everyone! This is the first time I've written anything in a while, so I hope it's not too bad. This was written for the KinkMeme, so the idea isn't mine.

Prompt:

The night before Ilos Ash shows up and things are quickly moving towards sex. Right before they fall to the bed and begin to bone, Ashley pushes Shepard down and informs him she is going to give him a striptease they will be talking about for centuries to come.

She is right in that everyone will be talking about, not because of how sexy it was or anything like that, but because Ashley proceeds to give the worst striptease of all time. Where she intends to kick her leg out and let Shepard gaze at her toned thighs, she actually kicks him in the junk. When she goes to stand up and bend over so he gets a face full of her luscious ass, she falls off the bed and busts her face on the floor. Those are just examples and as long as its Ashley failing at giving a striptease I don't care what happens.

+ Ashley doesn't believe that Shepard is real when they encounter each other on Horizon, so she asks him what happened the night before Ilos, and he recalls everything.  
>+ Ashley is extremely embarrassed as Miranda and Garrus are standing right there listening to the entire thing while trying not to laugh.<p>

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><p>Commander Matthew Shepard. It was a name that was constantly heard throughout the galaxy, though it was more whispers these days. He was known as the savior of the Citadel, a paragon of peace and justice. However, if there was one thing that he wasn't particularly known for, it was his patience. Or rather, his lack of it.<p>

Shepard pinched the bridge of his nose, taking deep breaths to avoid snapping and wringing the neck of the young woman who was currently in front of him. The day had started out normally enough. Well, as normal as it got these days. When you woke up from what was essentially a two year coma and then had to scour the galaxy for a bunch of aliens and mercs with daddy issues to take on a suicide mission, things tended to get a little weird. Regardless, he had been greeted that morning with a personal call from The Illusive Man, telling him about a potential attack on the colony Horizon. Since Shepard knew that the Cerberus leader would get his panties in a twist if he didn't immediately drop everything and go, he loaded Garrus and Miranda into a shuttle with him and headed for the settlement. Things just went downhill from there. The colony was already under attack by the time they arrived and they had to fight through waves of husks and collectors, only to have nearly all of the colonists get taken anyway. It was fantastic. Just. Fucking. Fantastic. Still, he managed to keep his cool. That is, until a familiar face appeared, one that he hadn't expected to see any time soon. Ashley. He had been excited to see her...for all of about ten seconds.

"I thought you were dead! We all did, Shepard!"

"Ash-"

"And now you're with Cerberus. Garrus too?"

"Ash-"

"Is this some sort of joke-"

"WILLIAMS."

Ashley took a small step back, a bit startled by the outburst. And was it her, or were his eyes glowing? Damn. Yet, it did little to calm her. If anything, it only seemed to make her more annoyed. At least she had stopped yelling. Shepard let out a sigh as his nerves settled back down to a more managable level. "Look Ash, I know where you're coming from. I really do." he scratched at the back of his head, idly tousling his short blonde hair "I've been completely out of it for two years. Like, dead on a slab. Cerberus rebuilt me."

Deep brown eyes met his, full of pure contempt. She obviously didn't believe him and he knew it. "I know you got spaced, Shepard. Joker told us all what happened. There's no way you could have survived that." she muttered "For all I know, I'm talking to a clone right now." Ah, progress. That he could work with. It would probably be a hell of a lot easier to prove he wasn't a clone than it would be to prove that he hadn't just been hiding somewhere for two years. He took a deep breath. "How can I prove that I'm not a clone...?"

Ashley pursed her lips, looking away for a moment as she considered this. Well... Finally, she looked back at him. "Tell me something that only you would know." Shit. "Like what?" he asked. She only shrugged in response, leaving Shepard to wonder what the hell he was supposed to say. What could he say? Something only he would know. He stood there, utterly bewildered and speechless, for what seemed like an eternity. Something did eventually come to him, though and a smirk came over his lips. "Well...there was this one time, right before Ilos..."

"...uh, Shepard, should we go...somewhere else?" Garrus piped up. He and Miranda had been standing there quietly for the last few minutes, but if this was about to go where he thought it was, he wasn't too keen on sticking around. On the SR-1, it wasn't exactly a secret that Shepard and Ashley had been together the night before Ilos. He DID NOT want to hear the details of said night.

Shepard looked back at him, grinning. "No." he said "Trust me, big guy, I think you want to hear this."

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><p>Tension was high. Of course it was. After all, they were flying what was essentially a stolen ship into one of the most dangerous places in the galaxy. Shepard sat on his bed, head in his hands. He was the first human Spectre. The best the galaxy had to offer...right? He had to believe he could do this. There was no other option. He leaned backward onto the mattress, hazel eyes restlessly flickering over the ceiling. It didn't help that he couldn't sleep. Images of what could go wrong, of what already had gone wrong, danced through his head, keeping him awake. Just had he had completely given up on getting any sort of shuteye, there was a knock on the door. He vaguely considered ignoring the noise, but decided against it. As much as he just wanted to be left alone, he doubted that anyone would knock at this hour without a good reason. He stood up and walked over to answer.<p>

It was Ashley. Shepard rubbed his eyes, both to hopefully get rid of his look of sleepiness and because he was slightly confused as to why she was here. "Ash?" She gave him a sly smile. "Skipper...glad to see you're still awake."

Long story short, she had come to make good on all the flirting that had gone on between them the past few days. To be completely honest, Shepard didn't really know how to feel about this. He was incredibly tired and it usually wasn't the best idea to sleep with another member of the crew. Still, why not? Ilos was a daunting mission that might end up being their last. It could quite literally be now or never. With a chuckle, he reached out and grabbed Ashley by the waist, pulling her to him to connect their lips in a searing kiss. Fuck yes.

They tumbled back toward the bed and just as Shepard reached to undo the front of Ashley's uniform, she grabbed his hand and pushed him off of her, breaking their kiss. He landed with a soft 'thump', sprawled out on his back on the matress. "Now, now, Skipper..." she purred at him. With a smirk, she crawled overtop of him, straddling his waist. "I'll be the one to do that." She rolled her hips a little and Shepard let out a hiss of mild pleasure. He could feel himself starting to grow excited. Ashley began to unbutton her shirt and-

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><p>"Okaaaaay, I think we've all gotten the picture, Shepard." Miranda was facepalming now, a rather annoyed look on her face. When she woke up that morning, she didn't think that she'd be hearing a detailed story about one of Shepard's past sexual experiences. Garrus's mandibles were drawn tightly against the sides of his face in an expression that the commander really couldn't place. Even with how well he knew Garrus, turian emotions were still kind of difficult to read. On the other hand, Ashley's current expression was incredibly easy to understand. Her cheeks were tinted a light shade of pink and Shepard couldn't help but smirk at the fact. It wasn't what he was saying, he knew that. Well, it kind of was...<p>

"No, no." he chuckled "I haven't even gotten to the best part." Ashley looked away, crossing her arms over her chest. "Your Cerberus friend is right, Shepard." she said quickly "I believe you. That's enough, seriously." Shepard shook his head with a grin. He was finishing this story. Ashley wanted to question him? She'd get what she asked for.

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><p>Shepard's eyes never left Ashley's form as she revealed more of her caramel colored skin to him, taking in the sight of her smooth skin rippling over top of her lightly toned muscle. She was strong, sure, but her shape was still beautifully feminine. Of course, it helped that her breasts didn't look bad either. He longed to run his hands over her body, but he laid still. She obviously had something in mind for him and he was curious as to what it was. As if reading his mind, she leaned down and placed a kiss in the crook of his neck, then trailed her lips up the side of his face to his ear, which she teasingly nipped. "Like what you see...?" she whispered "...you want to see more...?" Shepard let out a breath that he didn't even realize that he had been holding. Did she really have to ask? "...hell yeah..."<p>

She sat up, shifting off of him to sit on the bed. "Well, Skipper...how 'bout I give you a little show?" Shepard looked at her through half-lidded eyes, a lazy smile on his face. This would be good. Ashley got up onto her knees and slowly, slowly undid the button on her pants. Her fingers hooked over the waistband and pulled them down, showing off her lacy panties and silky-looking thighs. Shepard licked his lips as he watched, feeling himself growing harder from the sight. He wanted to taste her skin...trace his tongue up her thighs to her center, make her writhe beneath him as he- His thoughts were cut off as he suddenly recieved a hard kick straight into his hip bone. He winced a little at the dull pain. That was probably going to bruise. "...uh...sorry." Ashley scratched at the back of her head. She had been attempting to kick her pants off. Apparently, she had misjudged just how close Shepard was to her. He let out a soft laugh. "It's fine, Ash. Go on." While he kind of had to admit that had ruined the mood slightly, he did want her to continue.

She nodded at him before shuffling a little on her knees so that her back was to him, wiggling a little to show off her shapely ass. To Shepard's surprise, she was wearing a thong. Well...somebody had planned this out. So that's what she had been doing when they stopped at the Citadel. He smirked, an expression that was also on Ashley's face as she turned her head to look at him. Oh, yeah, he liked it. She bent over to give him a better view, most of her weight her hands which were resting on the edge of the bed. Unable to help himself, Shepard reached out and gave her a light smack on the ass, relishing the way- "Woah!" Shepard slapped his hand over his mouth, mostly out of slight surprise, as it seemed that his hit had been more than enough to make her lose her balance. Ashley tumbled face-first onto the floor, a muffled groan leaving her lips. Fuck. It was all she could think. Fuck. As she slowly sat up, they both noticed a few drops of blood on the floor as Ashley sniffled. The fall had given her a bloody nose. She covered her face, sitting there quietly in embarrassment. Shepard's excitement had faded by now. This really wasn't going as planned. He placed his his hand on her shoulder. "Ashley, come here..."

With a sigh, she stood up, but before she could sit back on the bed, he grabbed her and pulled her into his lap. "...sorry..." she mumbled, her voice a little distorted because she was holding her nose shut "...I kinda...ruined this." Shepard let out a soft chuckle as he brushed the few strands of hair that had come loose from her bun out of her face. "Ash..." he ran his other hand up her back "...maybe we should just do this the old fashioned way." "Yeah..."

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><p>By this point, Ashley was completely mortified. It didn't help that the Cerberus bitch was clearly trying to keep from laughing, her face flushed a light shade of pink from the effort and her shoulders shaking a a little. Garrus was obviously amused as well, though he was hiding it better, only giving her the turian equivalent of a grin. God, her life sucked. Not saying another word, she turned and marched away. Shepard and his team stood there for a moment in silence before Garrus decided to speak.<p>

"...so...Shepard...how'd it go from there?"

"...well, big guy, if you really wanna know..."

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><p>AN: Hope you all enjoyed!


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